Advice for the Ages... and Aged

GBL x GBD

Credit: Ilona Burschl on Pixabay

"Get busy living or get busy dying."

Not that hard to live by for those graduating high school through perhaps their mid-thirties. Although in the case of those younger or less traumatized, the thought might be more akin to "Live free, (hope I don't) die young."

The pithy aphorism of 'get busy living or get busy dying' actually contains fairly sage advice. When most who recognize the saying remember that they probably heard it from a rather moving moment in The Shawshank Redemption, it definitely doesn't seem nearly so fortune cookie-ish.

In just my early forties, I use a heating pad almost every day to help relieve pain in my neck and back. Maybe with shedding a dozen pounds, I'd feel less pain. But my drive to put in the work for that has shrunk as my age increased. Though I'm a natural night-owl, the late nights aren't quite as easy anymore. I used to run like a jet engine on 2-3 hours sleep. On 2-3 hours sleep now, I run more like a 10-year-old push mower.

No, I don't care what brand of mower. It doesn't run like it did brand-new... well, unless you've replaced some parts. But that's almost the same for us humans.

Point is...

I may have some aches and pains that will ache more in years to come. Regardless of my fitness level, my knees and ankles and elbows won't ever be what they were at 20. Already, I take migraine and mental health medication every day, which is likely to grow into blood pressure or blood sugar or something-to-do-with-my-circulatory-system medicine. And, I'm definitely never again going to look like the fit, younger men on Insta or Tik Tok.

But, my life is being lived.

My husband and I will sit in the backyard and play with our dogs. We will attend a niece's or nephew's event. Family passes through the city, and we grab a quick bite to eat. Maybe not as often as we should, but we go visit family hours away. We take vacations away from state and country. Our most peaceful times tend to be sitting at home having our Survivor night, passing social media posts back-and-forth, and playing our respective video games. (Yes, we are those kind of millennial nerds.)

We aren't the most social. We don't have community groups that we participate with. We aren't 'weekend adventurers'. But, our lives are lived.

Relative Meanings

Continuing my prison and Stephen King-based examples, an individual who might appear to only have the choice of 'getting busy to die' would be The Green Mile's John Coffey. Condemned to death row, the man lives to his literal last breath. He lives even as he is dying. And he lived to the point that his legacy lived beyond him.

What it means to 'get busy living or get busy dying' isn't prescriptive beyond its face. Living to one person might look like dying to another and vice versa. Now, let me be clear, sometimes it's obvious which is which just looking in from the outside.

Should go without saying but neither do I mean living as in drawing breath nor dying as ceasing of the same. (Just an FYI for those who might not pick up the metaphorical cue.) Yet, one thing that living or dying, in this context, shares between everyone is simple.

The way you view your life and the aspects of it determine whether you're living or dying. The idea of pressing forward because you want to and not because it's simply happening.

Living is the opposite of giving up.

No Buts

I wager most who take a dump on this idea to be on the 'get busy dying' end of the scale. You will offer up a circumstance where this metaphorical living can't happen for you. You place a 'but' in front of living. When that's all you can see, you're staring at an ass.

Yes, of course, we'll all turn to dust or ash in the end. At that point, it doesn't matter if you lived because now you're most decidedly dead. The chances that you care are nil.

But why physically live the unknown amount of time until physical death as if you're already gone?

In the words of Yvonne Zima as Caitlin Caine in The Long Kiss Goodnight, "Life is pain. You get used to it." May seem harsh, but it's true. And... it's not all that far off from standard Buddhist teaching. If you take a look at most true practitioners of Buddhism, they're not the 'get busy dying' type regardless of embracing the pain of life so readily. (And if religion isn't your bag, Stoic philosophy lines up in the same aisle.)

We all suffer grief and sickness and guilt and pain and stress and trauma. What we do in response determines the metaphorical living or dying.

Granted, some experience these at a more clinical level and 'getting busy to live' might only be possible with the assistance of a village. In these cases, the village must take notice and extend a hand. Yet and very, very importantly, an ember of wanting to 'get ready to live' must be present in the individual being helped. If not, the hand will only be ignored or slapped away.

If you're the one with a... but, in front of your living, you do need to want living to be more than having a pulse.

For Living

Another, less forceful but hand-in-glove, aphorism makes a good final point: "Life is for living."

The physical lives we lead are for metaphorically living. Dying before you stop breathing affects you more than anyone and benefits no one.

But it's damned hard sometimes.

My knees and back and eyes will continue their decline -- even if I stave it off with collagen and glutamine. For the foreseeable future, my country will continue to be as wild, unpredictable, and likely dangerous as a shit-house rat. I'll likely be sending more flowers to funerals than cards for birthdays. And so, I'll have to continue making the choice: do I embrace these unavoidable facts of life and look for a personal sense of peace and happiness (or) do I allow the psychological weight of it all to immobilize me?

Personally, I choose to live life.

Which at the moment of finishing these thoughts means I'll eat dinner with my husband, snuggle with the dogs, and probably watch some anime... unless I want to game a bit... or maybe...